My husband took a picture of my five year old daughter playing dress up and dabbling in 31st Avenue lipgloss that she’s totally obsessed with. He was tickled at how she was intently submerged in play, but as soon as he called her name and she noticed his camera in hand, she snapped into a pose flashing a bright smile. He thought he was showing me the picture of our innocent daughter being a girly girl, but I was intrigued by the view behind her. You see, she had coincidentally been standing in front of my vision board. I purposely placed it on the wall across from our bed so I could see it as soon as I wake up. She’s been really clingy lately, wanting to follow us around the house 24/7 and opted to play at the foot of our bed this particular day. I reminisced about how badly I wanted another child to the point that I was literally in tears whenever I thought I was pregnant and the test would show negative results. My husband would always comfort me, “Don’t worry. Save your tears for more serious problems. We will have a baby when the time is right.” I decided to stop focusing on the baby I had desperately yearned for and got back in touch with who I was. I had so much to learn about myself as a woman. I had to cling to God as my daughter had been clinging to us. I had to choose a career and actually stick to it, because I had been bored with the jobs I worked for the last few years. I had to learn how to love myself before I could make all these outrageous demands for him to love a broken vessel. In short, I had a LOT of work to do. As Detroit girls hustle harder…..what did I do? I got to work! While the baby I wanted was no longer my focal point, I still envisioned her and spoke about how I would eventually have her. I even went so far as to putting a timestamp on it (who did I think I was) saying how I would either give birth to or be expecting a baby for Christmas. And so it came to pass. December 23, 2008 I found out we were pregnant and I just knew right a way it was a girl. I had wanted a sibling for my then five year old son since he was two years old. I was set on having a girl. For the next four months I referred to “Pumpkin” as a she. It was confirmed at my five month prenatal ultrasound exam. By the time she was born, it had been a six year waiting period for me. I was a single parent before meeting my husband, and had no idea how I would have another baby with no spouse. I could barely afford to take care of the child I had, but I still believed that one day my financial situation would get better, and I would be able to love again. I didn’t take advantage of making my requests known through prayer and positive affirmations, but it was definitely a secret weapon to use against the tricks my mind would play on me (block out the white noise of doubt and fear). [sidebar] The only other time this had happened to me was in 2005 I wanted a car and kept claiming that particular model until finally getting it a few months later. Okay, well actually I thought I was drowing in 2001 during Marine Corps Boot Camp swim qualification and somehow screamed my way through begged God to save me from that deep water. I didn’t even know how to swim, Jesus! [end sidebar] So, this was huge for me and one of many lessons about the importance of realizing that our words are powerful (Proverbs 18:21). What does this have to do with my life today? I am living with so much expectation that I feel pregnant with ministry, ideas, goals, aspirations, anything I’ve ever dreamed about, conjured up-has somehow seemed to flourish within my belly. I know that as a believer I will have to endure trials, but I also know that I can expect great things because of who I am and the God I serve. My daughter standing in front of my vision board was a reminder of how she was once a vision that seemed far off, but eventually manifested and was a dream come true. My vision board was created on January 19, 2015 and within the first month I received an email that I still can’t fathom how it even happened. This woman from New Jersey called me to partner with her for something that I had been interested in, but felt that I didn’t have any resources to make happen. It’s at a stand still for now, but I know behind the scenes everything is falling into place. That was all because of the simple act of me being obedient and writing despite how bad I think my writing is. Everything is attached to networking in some way, so I’m being stretched beyond my introvert personality to reach out and meet new people to expand my area of influence. Another lesson: the quickest journey to your desired destination/dream is by going the way you are least familiar with. It is outside our comfort zone that the most beautiful blessings happen. A dream that I had since I was in middle school unfolded before my eyes in January as well. It was something that I was sure I would have to go to school for, be trained in or some other crazy prerequiste that I couldn’t fulfill but that too was within my reach. I had given up on that dream and didn’t even pray for it. So, I learned that God even answers prayers that you never uttered as well as prayers that you forgot about. I hope that I am making sense because everything is pouring in to me so quickly that I can barely type fast enough to get the thoughts out! What I am trying to say is that once you make your request known to the Lord, you have the authority to speak those things that be not as though they were(Romans 4:17). Speak life over your body for healing and restoration. Speak positivity in the face of the negativity that surrounds us. Speak love in a world full of hatred. Speak light into darkness. Speak liberty to those in bondage. Speak against the enemy by speaking the word of God over yourself. Whatever you desire, speak it to the atmosphere. I no longer cry about things that don’t go my way, because I desire to live out God’s will for my life which is far better than my own plans (Jeremiah 29:11). Tests are always viewed negatively while the dark cloud is hovering, but just STAND firm on the word with your faith as your umbrella. God’s timing is perfect timing.
“Strengths are powered by tests. Prayer is the catalyst to keep you moving through the battle. I’m natural & fabulous. He is a strong, successful black man that defied the odds against him & I am the woman beside him. He’s got some pretty big plans and people will want to know who I am, because I’m in the background praying. My walk consists of many leaps of faith. One person CAN make a difference and I will be one of them to bring about social change. My dreams are a possibility with great probability. I don’t see the whole staircase but I’m taking the first step….” ~Ciara’s Vision